Friday, July 16, 2010

Apocalypse Now! D.C. Has an Earthquake



I was answering email at 5 a.m. when it struck:

The D.C. area and parts of Maryland have been shaken by a minor earthquake early this morning. The quake hit at 5:04 a.m. EDT and had a magnitude of 3.6.


Minor? Everyone in the house woke up!

I checked the boiler (it was fine as it's not on this time of year), and looked for a downed tree in the backyard.

Nothing.

Which could only mean one thing (always said before I name three possibilities): 1) a plane hand slammed into the ground; 2) terrorists had hit, or; 3) a nearby house had blown up.

Nothing on the news.

Now they say it's just a small earthquake. Or "the biggest one ever" in this area, if you prefer.

Washington, D.C. is not prepared for earthquakes.

We have been waiting for 50 years for thermonuclear warfare and germ warfare, of course, and we are not prepared for that either. Except for the people in the advanced Yoga classes. I am told they really can tuck themselves under and kiss their own ass goodbye. I will have to be content kissing somebody else's ass, a job I have prepared for my whole life.

All I know is that when the (sh)it happens, the only way to get out of here will be by bicycle or boat -- the roads will be gridlock

We live a quarter mile from a bike path that goes out to Purcellville, VA, and about half a mile from one that goes out to Cumberland, MD. The family will bike out. I will take the dogs in the canoe in the backyard, and the dogs and I will go down river to the Chesapeake, and from there we will paddle to Scotland.

As you can see I have it all planned out.
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