Hiding In The Garden

Hiding In The Garden

I found the door open and headed out for a little walk. I didn't get

very far before I realized I was lost. I found a place in this garden where I could not

be seen so I hunkered down there. I decided that the best place to be was hiding out in the garden.

I watched as the bees buzzed around me and of course some beautiful butterflies. I felt

the summer breeze as it gently blew my hair in my face. I looked down as a hairy

thousand legged worm crawled by in the dirt.... Oops! gotta go

my person is right over there....Thank God I have been found......

Oil on 6x6 gallery wrapped canvas

$50

Off to France!!

3 generations.....me and my shadow...my 3 daughters....and Aidan, my granddaugther.....off to Provence!

Blue Collar Worker

Blue Collar Worker

I work alright...I work at weaseling my way into getting my way.

I whine, I lick, I cry, I roll over, I pace back and forth, Oh you get the message. I do 

what ever it takes but one thing for sure I always get the prize... You believe me don't you. 

Oh come on.....You know you are falling for it...I see you looking closer right now. You are wondering

where you can find a treat for me right?   I'm waiting............

Oil on 6x6 gallery wrapped canvas

$50
For sale at my DPW gallery just follow the link to pay via PayPal

I Am 30

I turned 30 years old today. What an excellent-sounding milestone. At this very moment I feel positive and strong with so much to look forward to. I have many strong feelings that my 30s are going to bring some wonderful things: perfect health? baby Diamonds? I don't know, but I believe that it will be good. Thirty sounds so grown, so established, so confident, and I love it. I feel that I'm at an age where I can be proud of where I've been, proud of where I'm going, and most importantly proud of who I am in each moment of each day.

I was talking with our next door neighbor – a sprightly woman who is a former nun converted to an atheist (the holder of many fantastic stories). I was telling her how I love how "30" sounds. How it seems like it will be a great age. Knowing the death-facing realities I've been through, she looked at me and said: "Well, you know as good as anyone that any age is a good age. I'm doing pretty well for being in my 80s." And it's so true. Any age is a good age because it means we're here and able to enjoy this wild, crazy and amazing life.



Today in my life I spent the day with my mother, an integral part of who I am, why I'm here, and a billboard of love, reality, truthfulness and humor. I love my mom with all my heart, and I couldn't think of anyone else that I'd rather spend my day with. We enjoyed walking around Elizabeth Park in Hartford/West Hartford checking out the roses in full bloom and the intricacies of the perennial and shade gardens before retiring under the shade of a tree to play some Gin Rummy as the hot sun beat down heating Greater Hartford to a steamy 95 degrees. Then we enjoyed a ladies lunch at the Pond House of roasted pear salad and the chicken salad special with ginger iced tea and a delectably refreshing fresh watermelon margarita.

Craig rolled in from his summer career as Associate Director of the Summer Place enrichment camp in West Hartford and woke me from my luxurious slumber with Sam Dog under the refreshing fan atop the cool leather of our living room couch. When I looked out the window I saw a baller-looking board on his roof rack with a very cool design on it. I knew it wasn't his stand-up paddle board, so I started screaming and jumped up knowing it was mine. And,  yes, I was right. He found an amazing stand-up paddle board for me to ride on my own, and not only that, but it's a specialized one that can be converted into a surf board by adding the extra fins to the bottom. Wow. Amazing. Summer birthdays are the best!

He then took me for an evening out at our town's beautiful bandshell, home of the annual summer Talcott Mountain Music Festival. We listened to the talents of the Hartford Symphony Orchestra play homage to America with the sounds of Sondheim and Brubeck and the night even included medleys from "South Pacific" and "Grease" of which I of course knew every word. The night was capped by a fantastic fireworks show and time spent cuddling on our deck under the summer stars.

Life is good. No, it's wonderful. I can't wait to see what this next decade will bring.

Sniffing It Out

Sniffing It Out

Don't bother me.....I smell something. I know I am suppose to be on the

leash but nature calls but not like you think. I really do smell something. If you 

will just give me a little time I will get to it. The scent is familiar...I bow my nose to the ground

to get a better whiff..........Oh foot what I 

smell is just that crazy cat...My skills are much to keen to waste on a stupid cat.

oil on 6x6 gallery wrapped canvas

$50
For sale at my DPW gallery just follow the link to purchase via PayPal

Hydrangeas

Oh my goodness...it's been almost a month since I've posted!
And Saturday I'm off to France!   I will share my journey with you.....stay tuned!!

Little Guy Out

Little Guy Out

A cluster of grapes so together and belonging. But alas one is away from the group. 

Little guy out. I'll bet he will be picked first. What do you think?

Oil on 6x6 gallery wrapped canvas

$50

Apple Wrap

Apple Wrap

I struggled with this one. Green was the overall color but can you see

the red and blue oh yes and yellow of course.

oil on 6x6 gallery wrapped canvas.

$50

Chemoey

I’m feeling rather “chemoey” today. That’s probably because I had my third infusion of SGN-35 chemotherapy at Sloan yesterday. So, for today, and probably at least another day, I’ll feel rather blah.

When I say “chemoey” it means lethargic, achy, distracted, pain in my tumor sites, cranky, bleary-eyed, exhausted, and weak. I’m a real crowd pleaser. My side effects seem a little worse this time around, and I’m wondering if there might be a cumulative effect. Even so, how I feel right now is nothing compared to how much other drugs have wrecked me, so I catch myself before I start complaining. I just need to rest and ride this initial body shock wave.

The body shock started yesterday right as the last few drops dripped from my chemo infusion bag. Despite the pre-medication of Benadryl and Tylenol to prevent this, I started to go into a minor bronchial spasm. My bronchial passages tightened and an unstoppable cough set in. It felt as if someone had freeze dried inside my chest so that everything felt tight. The chemo nurse made me stay an extra half-hour or so for monitoring and thankfully the cough calmed and chest tightness loosened on its own without me having to endure more mind-numbing Benadryl.

This possible allergic reaction to SGN-35 happened to me the first time I tried the drug in late 2010, also at about the third infusion mark. It’s something we’ll have to monitor. Other than that, my doctor says I look great. My blood counts are all normal. I have no palpable swollen lymph nodes and I don’t feel any lymphoma symptoms. Dr. M was more interested in hearing about our recent party, which is a refreshing change from the days when I would come in with a huge list of questions and complaints.

I have a PET Scan scheduled for July 12. The imaging will allow us to know if the SGN-35 is shrinking the lymphoma cells, if it’s keeping the areas of disease stable, or if things are flaring up further. Then, we’ll determine the next steps. Stay on SGN-35 as long as it’s tolerable? Move forward with a Donor Lymphocyte Infusion? Switch to another therapy? Stop therapy altogether? Many questions to be answered in time. Right now I will focus on resting and recovering and enjoying these next couple of weeks of treatment respite until I have to deal with whatever realities July 12 brings.

I’ve got to take it easy and let my body do what it needs to do without compromising it. I can’t push too hard or else it only sets me back. The whole cancer treatment process is like skiing; it’s a constant experimentation with finding the edge, the thrill of riding it, and the pressure of trying not to snowball downhill. 

This Fruit I Love

This Fruit I Love

I needed to paint today. I had usual business I had t get done but in the

back of my mind was that gnawing little voice which called out...paint...paint...

something, anything this is what happens when I listen to my inner voice.

6x6 oil on gallery wrapped canvas

$50
For sale at my DPW galery just follow the link to purchase via PayPal

If I Had An Apple

If I Had An Apple

If I had an apple I would not have had that ice cream I just ate.

I do recommend the strawberry parfait at Wendy's. Yumm...

apples are wonderful. I hope I can climb back on the wagon tomorrow.

I will let you know.

6x6 oil on gallery wrapped canvas.
$50
For sale at my DPW gallery just follow the link to purchase via PayPal

A bow in Her Hair

A Bow in Her Hair

What more can she want? She has bows in her hair and a bandana...

Cute as a button she is...

6x6 oil on 1.5 inch deep gallery wrapped canvas sides painted

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Tuesday/Friday Blog Schedule Announcement

Looking forward. 

Starting this coming Tuesday, June 26, I'll be blogging every Tuesday and Friday on a regular schedule. The challenge and pressure of making this happen will do me good. I'm a deadline girl (and seasoned procrastinator), so why not create a rigid deadline for one the things I enjoy doing most? Here goes.

This will be challenging no doubt, but the only way to become better at anything is to practice the art, right? So I must write. The goal is to take this Tuesday/Friday gig through the end of 2012, then reassess. I've put it out the public now, so I have to deliver. I'm sure the blog will continually evolve in post topic and length, in focus and style, and I look forward to seeing where we end up together – you know, me and my peeled eyes.

This hefty blogging commitment was spurred from a few deeply moving comments and compliments I've received over the past few months. Most amazingly, I got a blog comment from a woman in Ireland who told me how much reading my blog has helped her to help her best friend who is currently undergoing treatment for Hodgkin Lymphoma. The thought of that worldwide connectedness is just what I needed to kick my rear into gear. I have many gaps to fill about my spring and summer adventures and many new stories to write and topics to ponder on. I hope you'll come along with me on the journey.

Catch ya on Tuesday!

Good Boy

Good Boy

Once I had a dog named Toro. I told him all my secrets and gave him lots of hugs. In return he

told me secrets and gave me lots of hugs....I was one very lucky girl because when you have been hugged

by a dog you have been hugged.....

6x6 oil on 1.5 inch deep gallery wrapped canvas. Sides are painted.

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What?

What?

What?....Well I am looking.....Did you not see how busy I am? I was deep in thought...

Now then.....Where is my bone?

4x4 oil on canvas panel
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ReBirth Day 2012

June babies blowing out the candles to mark our dirty 30.

I turned one year old this past Saturday, June 16. One year old about three or four times over now? I feel so mature in my old age having survived one year post donor stem cell transplant, never mind my two autologous transplants in 2010. In the eloquently raunchy lyrics of Eminem’s “Cinderella Man” – a line that’s been stuck in my head for months now: “By the skin on my teeth and the hair on my nuts I skated by.” So true, Marshall, so true. Thank the universe for that figurative teeth skin and nut hair because sometimes I felt that was all I could hold onto.

The whole week leading up to the anniversary of my Day Zero – the day my sister’s stem cells were sent into my blood stream – was very emotionally draining. I didn’t expect to have such a hard time with the approaching day, but in reality I lost much sleep over it. I had restless nightmares with flashbacks of last year at this time when my mouth was so full of open sores from the chemo that it was pooled with blood for days, smears of red coating my teeth. I’d bolt up in bed with my heart pounding remembering waking up from the anesthesia too early and hearing the rush around me as interventional radiologists worked to jam a new catheter down a vein in my chest yelling for pressure and a transfer table as a bag of my mother’s donated platelets dripped into me in an attempt to clot my blood.

To say I went through some trauma would be to put it mildly. Unfortunately, those memories still haunt me, and I don’t know that I’ll ever process it all. Fortunately, I have so many positive memories of this past year that most of the time they overshadow the scary parts. It was those memories and the immense amount of gratitude and disbelief I feel that I gave attention to on my first re-birthday.

Craig and I hosted a huge shindig at our home to celebrate this re-birth and both of our 30^th birthdays which happen this month. There were more than 100 of the most special people in our lives here to celebrate with us. We had an Extreme Octagon inflatable complete with adult jousting and boxing matches, a taco truck dishing out fresh creations, and a live band – Organized Chaos – consisting of an incredible group of guys from T’Ville and the surrounding area who rocked the lawn. We also took up a collection for the American Cancer Society’s Hope Lodge NYC, which was home to us all last summer and also this spring when I was in the city for radiation. Everyone’s generous gifts of needed living supplies for the facility filled a HUGE patio furniture sized box of goods that we can’t wait to deliver.

It was an incredible and beautiful evening after a rough afternoon spent talking myself out of crying and pushing myself to enjoy and relish in my accomplishments rather than dwell on the difficult memories of the past. It’s over. I’m past it. Maybe the cancer isn’t completely gone, but I’m fucking here and alive and feeling good and that’s pretty damn cool. Once the party started there was no way to dwell on all of the bad when surrounded by so many fun, positive, smiling people that have been there for us throughout our lives and especially throughout the most difficult times. I don’t know how we got to be so fortunate, but I’m so humbled by the people in our lives.

This past year has been a year of rebuilding. There is the obvious evidence of that: my formerly bald head is now covered in nearly three inches of baby fine curls and I’ve gained back 15 pounds of mostly muscle (I like to think!) filling in the scary bony look I sported last summer and bringing me back to a comfortable weight for my frame. I got to standing on a surfboard and I’ve been active and feeling healthy. I suffered with a bout of bronchitis over the past two weeks, but now I feel fine and my cough is completely gone – just like a normal person. I’d say that’s a pretty tangible sign that my new immune system is alive and well. We’ve just got to get that baby trained to go after those invading lymphoma cells. I have confidence that it will.

But more important than the physical aspects is how far I’ve come mentally and emotionally. I’ve experienced so much growth over this past year. I suppose coming that close to death kind of forces you to become very intimate with your self and very aware of the loved ones that surround you and the brevity and unpredictability of life. My close relationships are deeper than they have ever been as I find myself opening more and wanting desperately to give back the love that I was showered with during my most difficult times. Challenges seem less daunting and fear is no longer an issue. I’m more accepting of where I am at in life and more appreciative than I’ve ever been of my body and its incredible resilience. I firmly know who I am, what I stand for, what I’ll tolerate, how I want to spend my time, what I need and what I don’t need in my life. These realizations and self-awareness are absolute gifts.

I don’t pretend to have it all figured out. I never want to have it all figured out because if I did, what a boring life that would be. Every day I strive to discover, explore, challenge, learn, digest, and mostly just take it in and “be.” I’m fully aware that on paper, I’m not really supposed to be here, but I still am, and I’ll never lose sight of that and the responsibility and humility that simple fact carries along with it.    

Putting my game face on in the Extreme Octagon. 

Tacos for everyone! Showing a little bit of Texas love in honor of our time in Houston. 

We are Lucky Tacos fo' sho'.

Sammy came over to receive the "Happy Birthday" song with us. 

Our peeps.

Warning: Explicit Lyrics. Sometimes expletives are the only way to describe the craziness of life, and this song has been a bit of an anthem for me. When I want to get all pumped up it does the trick and is incredibly appropriate right about now.  

All I Need Is Love

All I Need Is Love

I used to live in a culvert by the side of the road. I was dirty and shaggy with matted hair

and a cold nose. I went hungry a lot and shivered in the rain but then one day I was

lucky enough to be spotted by animal control. I was very afraid when they caught me but soon

realized that not all people are bad. They bathed me and gave me food they brushed my hair

and made sure that I was warm. I remember when I thought I was alone in the world and I could

handle it all but that was long ago before I realized that All I Need Is Love.

oil on 6x6 x 1.5 inch deep gallery wrapped canvas
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A Short Stop

A Short Stop

Ok... A painting of a Dragonfly. Well I must share

a story...Once I bought a pre owned for my daughter. It was black with flames

painted on each side. I was so proud because I just knew she would be so excited. Turns out

it was so slow and undependable. They named it dragonfly. I ask why?

The answer...It would drag up the hills and fly down...Dragonfly...

4x4 1.5deep gallery wrapped canvas
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This Little Bugger

This Little Bugger

Ok I must be honest. I am horrified of bugs especially those with the hard

bodies and scratchy legs. I scream and yell and cringe. I might even cry if they

come too close like when my son would chase me with them. For a time now all

has been quiet since it is just me and my husband. He really doesn't play pranks or 

cause me that much stress. I only painted this for the challenge at DPW. 

Creepy........
Unavailable

I Dare You

I Dare You

Thats right....I Dare You. If you step one foot over that fence I will charge. Yep

I will run right at you. I know you are fast but I am faster. Want to see?
Oil on 6x6 gallery wrapped canvas
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Scruffy

Scruffy

I am a pig but not just any pig. I should be slick and pink with a little dirt of course. 

Instead I have a different look, a new look. I am beautiful even beneath

my scruffy exterior. Scruffy is good. Loosen up you.....Try it you will be surprised how good you will feel.

Oil on 6x6 gallery wrapped canvas

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Standing My Ground

Standing My Ground

I will not budge. I will not back down. I don't care about if it rains or shines.

I am brave I am strong and a little bull headed. I am a stubborn sheep. Take my
advice...Don't mess with me.

6x6 oil on gallery wrapped canvas

$50

The Munchies

The Munchies

Just standing here eating something good. Ah! Of course it is good. Fat free and no sugar added.

This is one healthy cow. 

Oil on 6x6 gallery wrapped canvas.
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A Mighty Big Berry

A Mighty Big Berry

Sometimes I just want to do it big. I started to paint a few small berries

but my brush just started to do things on its own with my help of course.

$50

Oil on 6x6 gallery wrapped canvas

And Cherries Two

And Cherries Two

Two cherries sitting in the corner overshadowed by those red flowers. It 

does not matter tho because no one can steal the show from them.  You know

when some flamboyant woman tries to steal the show from a timid sweet kind

little lady. It just doesn't work. That kind of character can not be subdues by the flaming

attention seeking kind.

6x6 oil on gallery wrapped canvas.
Unavailable

Checkered

Checkered

A couple of cherries an orange and last but not lease a checkered vase.

6x6 oil on gallery wrapped canvas
Unavailable

Morning Dew

Morning Dew

Painted for the challenge at A Day Not Wasted

I changed the photo and made my own interpretation.

6x6 oil on gallery wrapped canvas

Random Beauty

Random Beauty

I just found these random items laying around.

I gathered them up and grouped them and wah lah!

10x8 acrylic on canvas panel

I actually painted this a long time ago but never posted.

No Longer Available

I have been hacked. Emails were sent out this morning from my email. If you receive an email from me please do not open any previous emails from me. So sorry

Red Pig

Red Pig

I had so much fun painting the little pig yesterday that I just had to try it once more. 

Yep! had just as much fun today...Hope you like.

4x4 oil on canvas panel

Unavailable

Here's Looking at You Kid

Here's Looking at You Kid

Yep looking straight at ya!. I really had fun painting this one. 

Isn't it funny how you can paint and realize that you are smiling.

I am still smiling as I post this.

4x4 oil on canvas panel

Unavailable

Rooting

Rooting

A green clipping of leaves just sitting in a jar of water trying to live in unusual circumstances. Plants

are not meant to grow in water they need dirt. But sometimes life takes us against the usual scheme of things  in order to survive. Just like life I say. This vine does already have roots. Soon it will meet its destiny

of a pot filled with dirt where it will be very happy. 

6x6 gallery wrapped canvas. Oil

$50

A Day of Love

A Day of Love

Last weekend I attended a wedding of a most beautiful girl named Rachael.

Everything was perfect and of course she glowed. I took this photo as she stood with her back 

to me and even that was beautiful. Oil on 6x6 gallery wrapped canvas.

$50

Lemonade

Lemonade

Painted for the DPW challenge stripes.

I really had a difficult time with this. I struggled for a while and even considered doing a wipeout but

decided against it. There are a few things about this that I like and a few things I might change sometime....but

not today,

You Have My Attention

You Have My Attention

As some of you know my 30th year anniversary is coming up in July.

My husband and I are going to restate our vows. I bought my grand daughter

a beautiful dress which she could not wait to try on. She also had to try on my veil.

Here is just a glimpse. She is so beautiful and had so much fun twirling and dancing. 

I like this painting much better than yesterdays.

6x6 oil on gallery wrapped canvas.

$50

Paying Attention

Paying Attention

So With some of my favorite artist like Helen Cooper painting a series of faces and doing

so quite well I just had to try. Yes I realize I did not quite achieve my hopes but I know in 

My heart that I will likely try again. 

7x5 oil on gallery wrapped canvas.

My Beautiful Garden

My Beautiful Garden

I painted this a couple of weeks ago and forgot to post it. 

6x6 oil on gallery wrapped canvas

No Longer available

SGN-35: Second Try

Contrary to how long it's been since I've updated, I am still blogging. Life has become very busy – a good busy – and kept me away from it, but I miss it and look forward to coming back. But full-out blogging will have to wait another week as tomorrow I fly to the Outer Banks in North Carolina for five days at Surf Camp with an incredible organization that offers adventure camps for young adult cancer survivors: First Descents.

In ultra summary fashion: I started SGN-35 on May 18 after my PET Scan revealed some new areas of involvement and some reduced areas (not yet clear enough to go untreated). Since then I've had two doctor-visit-free weeks of bliss. This week will be my last week of freedom before my next infusion, which I'll head back to NYC for the day after I return home from my adventures.

Except for some fatigue and fogginess a couple of days after the infusion, I've had virtually no side effects. I've been feeling better than I've felt in a very long time. When I say life has been busy, it's been busy with barbecues, kayaking, gardening, a Dave Matthews Band concert, stand up paddle boarding on the river, birthday parties, working out with LIVESTRONG at the YMCA, and even some small and greatly satisfying reporting and writing projects for work. I'll take that over hospital visits and endless bloodwork appointments any day. I am relishing in this freedom and newly recaptured strength.

New class opened in Creating Faerie Thrones!

My class in making a little precious Faerie Throne has just opened up at That Creative Place.
It's a really fun, simple and easy class and very affordable at $20!!

The class can be downloaded from the site whenever you want to make this.  There is no set class time and I'm always available either through the forum or through email. :)