Have you heard about the man who owned a parrot that swore like a sailor?
This parrot was so terrible, it could swear for five minutes straight without repeating itself. One day the man finally got tired of this parrot's horrible speech, and decided to do something about it.
He grabbed the parrot by the throat, shaked it really hard, and yelled, "QUIT IT!" every time the parrot said something ungodly. But this just made the parrot mad, and it swore more than ever.
Next the man tried locking the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravated the parrot, and it clawed and scratched furiously until the man finally let him out (upon which the bird released it's fury in a torrent of language so horrible it could never be repeated).
At that point, the man was so frustrated that he threw the parrot into the freezer. For the first few seconds the parrot made a terrible amount of noise in protest to this treatment, kicking, clawing, and thrashing about. But after a few moments it suddenly went very quiet.
As the silence grew longer the man started to think that the parrot may be hurt. After a couple minutes of silence, he became so worried that he opened up the freezer door.
The parrot calmly climbed onto the man's outstretched arm and said, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."
Of course, the man was astounded. He could not understand the transformation that had come over his unruly parrot.
Then the parrot asked, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"
I'm not sure it's the best article of all time on the subject, however.
You see, the article below also has a pretty good title, plus a great opening line, and it includes a tale of the subject being tasered in his underwear while outside in 30 degree weather. Hard to beat that!
The crack team of researchers here at Terrierman.com have been forwarded a copy of the letter that we are told is to accompany the 200-page report, which sounds suspiciously like the 200-page report and money-making scheme that Dr. Craig Dixon is flogging here in the U.S., and which we have previously reported on.
Dear Veterinary Service:
Good news!
As most of you know, we at the Kennel Club have been producing diseased, defective, and deformed dogs now for more than 100 years.
Many of you have paid for your homes and sent your children to college based upon incredible fees you have charged wailing customers whose dogs were crippled by hip dysplasia or about to go blind due to an inherited eye disease.
And of course, there's the standard money makers we have provided for you -- Cesarean births for dogs that cannot whelp on their own, sinus operations on the dogs that cannot breathe, and the biggest money maker of all -- skin rashes that keep coming back again and again. Ka-ching!
I am writing you today to let you know that we at the Kennel Club intend to continue to produce generations of dogs for your financial benefit.
Have no worries there.
In fact, we have just found a new line of money-making for you.
Here's the gambit: we have produced a new 200-page manual listing all the genetic testing you can fob off on every new dog owner.
These tests can generate as much as £100,000 a year for you and your practice, and these tests will always be needed because we will never allow the kind of cross-breeding needed to reduce inherited defect. In fact, testing will result in a narrowing of the gene pools and even more inbreeding in most cases.
Perfect!
And here's more good news: The Kennel Club sells health insurance.
Yes we make bank money from this, but you can too! You see, pet health insurance means that you can charge more for any and all procedures that need to be done. How good is that? Perfect, once again!
Remember, we at the Kennel Club are always here for you. We encourage you to help us help you by pushing our new Accredited Breeders Scheme.
Don't worry; it doesn't actually require the production of healthy dogs or impose any common sense standards. It's business as usual at the Kennel Club, and puppy farmer are always welcome! But what the Accredited Breeders Scheme does is make it sound like you care about canine health, and it makes us sound like we do too. In the days ahead, as we continue to work hard to make the world safe for pet health insurance sales and veterinary billing, this fig leaf of concern will be an important fiction to maintain.
Upwards and onward. Profits first, with dogs always bringing up the rear!
The Kennel Club
Is this the letter that is being sent by the Kennel Club?
Our researchers say it is, but time will prove it one way or another! Stand by for more details!
Notice that this is sold as a big money-maker for the vet and is paired with the sale of pet health insurance.
Notice too that neither this vet nor the Kennel Club is producing a simple poster showing the longevity of dogs, or the prevalence of disease in breeds.
Is there a Kennel Club poster showing the "Dirty Dozen of Defective, Diseased, and Deformed Dogs That Will Cost You Big Dollars"?
This song is by the great Shel Silverstein who also wrote "A Boy Named Sue" and dozens of other classics.
A tribute to Shel Silverstein, organized by Bobby Bare Sr and Bobby Bare Jr has just come out. Entitled Twistable Turnable Man, it features John Prine, My Morning Jacket, Kris Kristofferson, Ray Price, Lucinda William, Nanci Griffith, and more. Should be a great one! .
Have you heard about the man who owned a parrot that swore like a sailor?
At that point, the man was so frustrated that he threw the parrot into the freezer. For the first few seconds the parrot made a terrible amount of noise in protest to this treatment, kicking, clawing, and thrashing about. But after a few moments it suddenly went very quiet.
"Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."
