The Little Follicles That Could

Something is brewing. Despite all odds, my little follicles have made a remarkable growth spurt over the past two days. We had another ultrasound appointment this morning and low and behold the few follicles that were just emerging during the last disappointing ultrasound have now sprouted and pushed their way toward maturity (with the help of these past two days of hormones, and I like to think all the walking and visualizations I've been doing and all the grapefruits I've been eating).

Craig and I were completely taken aback when the doctor went over the numbers with us and said how much more promising things looked and how pleased he was. We went in there ready to pull the plug on this ordeal knowing that we gave it our best shot. But this time the bright, white room felt illuminated and refreshing. This experience has been nothing less than a roller coaster ride - the kind where your feet dangle unprotected below you.

We now have four mature follicles to work with, each of which could possibly contain an egg. This is nowhere near the dismal news we received on Wednesday that just one was mature with three showing potential. These little guys have pushed right past the 10mm marker necessary. I knew all the swelling and bloating I was feeling had to be a good sign. My ovaries were just a little slow - they're allowed to get chemo brain, too.

This is still of course nowhere near the 10 follicles that they like to see when doing a retrieval, but clinically, the doctor recommends that we move forward and that our chances of getting 1 or 2 embryos to freeze are good. Is the situation ideal, no? But for the hand we've been dealt, we're very happy.

We decided that the fact that these follicles are fighting so hard to grow means that we can't give up right now. Someone (baby Frosty, perhaps?) is trying to tell us something. So we're going ahead with the retrieval - fully knowing that the chance (though smaller) still exists that we'll end up with no eggs or with eggs that don't fertilize through ICSI. But if we don't try then we'll never know, and the last thing we want to do is look back on this chance with regret in the future.

We're prepared for it not to work out and will be completely fine with that. We know that having a biological child is not the only way to be a parent and look forward to the chance to create a family no matter what the "means" of making that family is. Like "Brangelina," we'll have our own United Nations of love under our roof. But maybe, just maybe, there'll be some mini Craig-and-Karins in the mix.