Diagnosis Part Deux

The call came today. My cancer is back. Though the vast majority of cancer cells were killed off with the ABVD chemotherapy treatment, some rogue bastard cells were resistant to it and have started morphing and manifesting throughout my body.

It's a relapse of classic Hodgkin's - again a strong presence of Reed Sternberg cells. This, I suppose, in a way is reassuring because we know each other well. The treatment however is very foreign. As I digest this I'll write in more detail, but it will involve several rounds of high dose chemotherapy requiring hospitalization and an autologous stem cell transplant which will kill every cell in my body, force my marrow to make new cells, trap the fresh stem cells and re-implant those into my blood stream. In short, getting a new, hopefully cancer-free, start.

I'm not surprised. I knew deep down that this was coming as much as I tried to deny it. But now all the hypothesized scenarios are reality and that's not easy to swallow.

I'm scared. I'm apprehensive. I'm determined. I'm feeling strong. I'm feeling sad. I'm worried for my family. I'm eager. I'm in awe that this is happening so fast ... again.