Sneaky Pains

Today was not a good day. I guess the steroids are out of the system and the chemo caught up with me, though I was able to extend the good days for longer this time around. 

The fatigue really started to set in yesterday. Morning was okay and we were able to go for a walk in-between squalls of this endless rain. But after cleaning the house a bit I was flat out. I curled up with a book and the dog and fell asleep just a few pages in for several hours, waking up in time for Father's Day at China Buffet--couldn't miss that!

But today was a whopper. It was very hard to get out of bed this morning, but I had an interview scheduled with a doctor for a story I am writing. Once I was up things were better. I got through the interview, wrote a story and ate breakfast, but by 2 p.m. the gas tank was empty. It's almost like I could feel my body imploding into itself. I couldn't stand up. Then I couldn't sit up. Then I couldn't focus on the computer screen anymore. It was time to sign off for the day. 

The evil flogging feelings are back. However, it's like being beaten from the inside, like your bones are aching outward ... very strange and totally debilitating. As it's been before, it's not a regular kind of tired either, it's a deep, deep fatigue that there is no recovery from without sleep. So I had to force myself to succumb and crawl back into bed, the only way to give my body what it needs. 

I just need to keep reminding myself that it's not the cancer that's winning, it's my body working incredibly hard to fight it that's knocking me down.